


I want my tears back

by thesweetpianowritingdownmylife



Series: No Rest For The Wicked [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, No Rest For The Wicked - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 19:47:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesweetpianowritingdownmylife/pseuds/thesweetpianowritingdownmylife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events on "No Rest For The Wicked", Sam is left to deal with his brother's body and with his shattered heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want my tears back

Sam feels numb. His eyes are red-rimmed from crying, his throat is sore from screaming. He drives into the woods with his brother’s corpse in the truck of the car, and is more than tempted to crash against a tree. Or to shoot himself, to make really sure that he dies. But he can’t do that to Dean, not after… His brother has died _and gone to hell_ to save him. Sam can’t throw that away.

He reaches a particular clearing and stops the engine, but can’t bring himself to step out of the car just yet.

His brother had been the one to shown him this place. He had taken him here and said “Buddy, when you grow hair on your balls and you get a driver license, you should come with a girl if you want to get laid. It’s quiet, no one will bother you and it’s away from artificial lights, so you can see the stars perfectly –Oh, c’mon, don’t give me that look, you know chicks love shit like that.”

Sam had been fifteen, and the only person he could imagine wanting to bring here was Dean himself. He had told him so a couple of months later, when he had finally managed to gather enough courage to kiss him. It was one of the many things he had had to say to convince Dean that he wanted him that he had always been the only person in his life. It had taken another month for Dean to kiss him back, and Sam had been so happy, he had thought they’d always be together, he had hoped…

Sam sighs, and the dam breaks again. He’s choking on his own sobs, punching the steering wheel, and dying inside. There’s a black hole in his heart where his brother used to be, and it’s threatening to swallow him up. He hasn’t been able to think straight since the hellhounds got to Dean. He spent a year looking for ways to stop this from happening and he failed; he feels defeated _. I shouldn’t_ , he thinks. If there’s something he’s learned in his line of work, it’s that death is not as permanent as everybody seems to believe _. I could make another deal…_ But no, that’s not good enough. Dean would be crushed if he found out his brother would be condemned for an eternity in hell, just as Sam had been, still is. Besides, he isn’t sure if any crossroads demon would agree to make a deal with him, seeing he had killed the last one who spoke to him without a second thought. No, he’ll save that as a last resource, if everything else fails.

He remembers his big brother’s words _. You are my weak spot. And I’m yours_. He laughs humorlessly. He was so fucking right. Sam feels like he’s disappeared, like he no longer exists, because Dean is not there to ground him. The gun is starting to look appealing again, so he forces himself to get out of the car and get the… body out of it too.

He cradles Dean in his arms. He was his whole world, his only constant, his brother, the love of his life. And now there he is, lying cold and bloody. For a moment, desperation blinds him, and he grips his brother’s corpse. “Wake up. Wake up!” he yells. He presses his forehead against Dean’s shoulder, looking for comfort like he has countless times before, but he finds none. He manages to calm down a little. “I’ll bring you back, okay?” he promises. “Dean, I won’t let you rot there. I swear I’ll find a way, just… hold on.”

He knows Bobby will kill him when he finds out, but he won’t burn the body. If there’s a way to bring Dean back, it will probably be much easier with remains instead of ashes. So he starts digging, the familiar activity relaxing him further, while he mentally checks everything he can do to resurrect his brother. He doesn’t care who or what he’ll have to accept help from. He’s not above dealing with the lowest scum of the supernatural to achieve his purpose; he’ll have his big brother back whatever it takes.


End file.
